"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -- Jeremiah 29:11
This verse I hold on to and remind myself that my future was set for me. The things that are happening or will happen in my life were just that, plans that God set for me. I sometimes want to question those plans or try and alter them to make them my own but I always come back to understand that God made them for a reason and I need to step back and let him keep control.
Every child has a dream of what they want to be when they grow up, want to be daddy's little princess, a doctor, lawyer, etc. I remember growing up and wondering why I was with my grandparents, why I didn't have my dad in the picture. My mom is a GREAT person and she loves me with all her heart and would do ANYTHING in this world for me. I just wanted to know why my 'dad' wasn't there. I remember being a typical kid, playing, laughing, going to church, being with my family and having all I could EVER need. My papaw was my 'papaw' and my 'daddy' and I was perfectly okay with that. My cousin Jessica and my Aunt Jackie were my bestest friends and that was all I needed. I just considered myself lucky because I had my momma and my nanny that were playing the 'mom' role for me :) I never really thought much after the fact about the 'dad' situation until I started kindergarten. Don't get me wrong, my papaw did EVERYTHING that a dad would do for me and I was blessed but seeing all your friends from school having their dads with them made me 'wonder' why I didn't. Did I do something wrong? Was I being punished? Did God not want me to have a dad? Did my dad die? What was going on and where was he at?! I remember asking where he was and I never really did get an answer... probably because I was WAY to young to understand. I would ask but quickly got the subject changed. I seen pictures and would ask and was never really answered. I can remember growing up and being a 'happy' little girl who was the center of my papaw's world and that was acceptable to me. As I got a little bit older I asked again and my papaw told me that in fact I did have a dad he just didn't live here. He lived in another state and that picture that I always wanted to know who it was in fact was my dad. He WAS alive. He just wasn't here, in my life, and probably wasn't going to be. I left it at that. I had an answer that I had been looking for. I felt so much relief to know that indeed I wasn't different, I wasn't being punished, and I was loved, or at least I was hoping he (my dad) loved me. I never really thought much more about it because I had FINALLY found the answer that I had been questioning. My papaw told me, "you have a right to know that you have a dad, what he looks like, and who he is." and that was all I needed to hear. I grew up wondering and FINALLY I was able to find out. That part of my life was just kept quiet and not mentioned. Little did I know that in the next several years my WHOLE entire world was about to be turned UPSIDE down!!!
I'm going to end there, I found out that question, "why didn't I have a dad" and "where was he at"!! Next time we can talk about how this changed my world FOREVER!!
Until Then,
Megan xoxo
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